I am not going to live by instinct anymore

By instinct I follow the ways of my parents (sinners), by instinct I walk in the ways of my God-less orientation (sin), by instinct I follow the lead of Satan (my greatest enemy).

Living by instinct makes no sense. It spells ease of operation, but difficulty in the outcome. If I want life, I must turn from the ways of my parents and teachers and mentors to the one who not merely models life in varying degrees as every “good” person does, but is the personification of it.

I have the good and the bad from my parents (often in more of an extreme); there is no such thing as being born a clean slate. I have habits and patterns of execution that mimic those with whom I have had a form of intimacy. We live together, I learn from them; we work together, I boast their impact in my own style.

If I really want to “take control of my destiny” I need to give God control of it. I need Him to make my orientation after His orientation. Therefore, I need His Spirit within me, becoming the strongest influence — in fact, the “mover” — in my life.

I may decide that I will rebel against my primary influences apart from God, but this can really only go so far. If I base my identity on someone else — even if I am concentrating on not being like them —  I will normally end with just trying to avoid their mistakes, and not dealing with my own. Rather than becoming what I am supposed to be, I suppose that I am fine as I am so long as I am not like them.

I want more than that. I want to find out who I am in relation to others and apart from them. God is involved in everything about me, and He wants to be freely permitted to expose the good and bad in me and deal with it so that I can glorify Him as I embrace what He originally intended me to be.

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