Every time I worry God reviews my affections and my misconceptions about Him and invites me to let Him change my heart at the core and let He sets me free!
I was sitting in my room listening to Kutless and talking to God in preparation to seek Him before I read the Bible. I began journaling a little, trying to reflect on how mighty God is to turn anything and everything into something that brings glory to Him.
I thought of some of the things I have done lately that I have worried over the rightness of. Sometimes I do things or say things that I feel God leading me to do or say, but that doesn’t always mean that it goes over really well. Often I go away feeling like I have learned more than I knew I needed to; I end up believing that maybe the interaction was really more for my mind to be jolted and my heart to be brought in tune with God’s than anything else. The brilliant ideas of glory streaming from the very pores of the moment that I do what God tells me to do, are not really consistent with the need that God was addressing with the direction He gave me. Rather He had prepared a new way for me to see the pitiable state of my glory and potential so that my eyes might be lifted from this seat of self-endorsing glory.
God throws the spotlight on redemption when He speaks and instructs me to do something. I readily believe this at the outset, but I am thinking most naturally of the redemption of the other person. Only when I have passed through the opportunity, and look back, always with some measure of doubt, I question God as to the good He can bring out of the unmistakable evidences of my insensitivity and arrogance. Yes, there is love there, and more importantly, the power of the Holy Spirit is at work throughout the engagement, but I seem to be the neediest sinner in the exchange. How are You glorified in that, Lord? I ask in distress.
And He answers, Look, child. The whole thing was a glory to Me because it showed you both that I am “what it’s all about.” It was My idea to move you out of your comfort zone and speak the words that I gave you, but to see that they do not need your power of eloquence or persuasion — where there is nothing to carry them, they carry both the speaker and the hearer; thus you both need them, and I am the One who gets appreciated and profoundly recognized.
Therefore, do not grieve over seemingly unfavorable reactions, or unsightly errors in your character, that is why I came to save you. What I did for You in my death and continue to do for you in My life is too important for you to forget, so I remind you by the only thing that will build your faith knowledge that comes from Me of who I am and who you are.
This seems to make such a beautiful concept, until the shadows of my sin loom large in my recognition, and I cry, “But God, this stuff is just ugly! I am so ugly. This disgusting pride stains everything I do and say, everything I am. I am a sinner, what hope have I that I can do anything good even when I want to be involved in everything that You do?”
I know, My child. You know, none of this surprises Me. I saved you like this, and I keep saving you. I am not turned off by how you are, who you are — I am your Savior, it’s who I am.
Even in this I am letting you know the depths of My grace by the demands of your sin. There’s nothing of you that I can’t handle. So, don’t worry what others will think — it will give them a clearer vision of their own sin and their identification with you. You do not need to be great in the eyes of another for them to be turned to Me, the only contingent here is that I be great. If that be true, than every man is a lying sinner who needs my mercy and forgiveness more than he knows. And that is the only thing that anyone needs to take away from the actions and arguments of life.
I’m no longer going to worry about whether or not God will keep His promises to me; and how He will do this; and when…and the rest of my inhibitions about His seemingly inconceivable arrangements for my life.
Worry does not make me any more like God. And besides, no matter how much I think I will be able to get myself geared-up for the future He has for me, I will never be able to meet His purposes with confidence in my own readiness. By faith I leave all that needs to be done in me in His ever-capable hands.
After all, does God ever call any of us into projects and purposes that we have already mastered on our own? No, He welcomes us into a much larger world — where so much more is possible for us than what we know and see all by ourselves. By faith He teaches us to dream of how big and majestic He is with our eyes firmly shut and our hearts and minds wide open to His multi-dimensional views.