Talking my way out of…a relationship?

Have you ever been accused of talking too much? Well, this is the accusation that the Holy Spirit has been bringing upon me. I use talking as my way out of an uncomfortable situation — even when this situation is characterized by what God is or is not doing. Here are some sample instances where I tune in to my words more than Him: when I am in the presence of the Lord; when I feel like I am struggling and I want change immediately; when I am frustrated with God because He either seems silent or slow. I talk to convince, to instruct, to inform, to fill the silence — and this seems to be especially true when it comes to God.

Why is quietness so unnerving to me? Why do I constantly need to be convinced that God is with me; that things between us are okay; that He is always working to bring us closer together — even when I am on a completely different mission?

Because I evidently want to accomplish things that are not necessarily what He is prepared to do with me, I must ask myself, Is talking sometimes a way out of trusting?

I think that sometimes it can be. If I can talk a lot then I can feel good; I can believe that my relationship with God is strong even when we are going through a lull period, I can also believe that I must know something about that which I speak. After all, I am more confident in my ability to guide the relationship than God’s.

So that my words cease and my tongue be still, let me choose rather to be in awe of God. He does not change or need my words to frame the situations between us that He already marks. Let me just sit with Him and in silence entreat Him to speak where my words are not enough. For the whole point of our relationship is that I would be able to know Him, not that I would be content only with being known and treated in the ways that I wish.