Haven’t I Recommended Myself Well Enough?

Welcome to another day of rating my life and the joy I find in living it. When I find myself doing this, I discover a link between feelings of futility and the feeble measures I use. I want to live an impressive life because I think that is required when you have openly stated that you are following after God’s calling on your life. If all that’s going on doesn’t make me look really cool, then what is really getting accomplished here?

I think that my most common mistake is that I think I am too critical a part in what God’s doing through me. I believe that I must be my most attractive if others are to be attracted to God. I expect that my story most be the most compelling thing an audience has ever heard if they are to be profoundly affected. I count on my words being powerful by virtue of their perfection rather than by virtue of the anointing God has given me to speak.
The purpose of what God has called me to do is so often drowned out by my concern over the power needed to accomplish it. Why do I think it needs to come from me? Why do I think God chose me for me and my natural recommendations rather than for Him and His natural recommendations?

I guess I am getting to see just a hint of the truth here. God is making sure I don’t completely miss the boat He’s on because I’m looking for a much smaller craft that has my name on it and has the perfect vacancy awaiting me at the helm. This isn’t what I need. If I were given my boarding wish, I would never make it in the rough seas ahead of me, nor would I have any really fulfillment or direction when in the midst of calm seas.

I need a Captain. I need to know that I belong on the boat, but its operations don’t depend on me. I need to know that it is a privilege that I get to have a berth, to have some chores, to be waylaid with duties and responsibilities–all these things remind me that I am remembered and included by the only One who runs an everlasting hull.


Are good things allowed to feel bad too?

I don’t know about you, but I like when everything is exactly as it should be — at least as I calculate it. I am not too comfortable when there are obstacles and unexpected and painful occurrences. When I feel like I have everything in control, when I think I look like I am doing a good job at the work I have before me, this is when I think life is most worthy of that coveted “good” title.

Yet, there are plenty of days when these standards I have are questioned. Do I really need to have myself at the center of my understanding of God’s perfection in planning the life I live? Does my goals of personal perfection really have a place on the scales that weigh God’s mercies? Not unless my failure to promote God in them bears down on the side of my unworthiness.

It’s okay if God’s mercy makes me more aware of my own sin — what He did in displaying it wouldn’t mean much if it didn’t have any real reason. If my debt to Him wasn’t a reality, I would have no compulsion to return to Him whom I have tried to rationalize away my need for.