Will things ever get better for me when I have all this garbage to handle?

I have asked this question so many times. I have been confident that the answer is no; that God does not care about me so much as I would like Him to; that He is somehow too passive to deal with my pain as it should be handled.

But how should my pain be handled? I generally look upon my surroundings and wait for Him to do something grand. When I think He’s taking too long, I summon all my understanding of the matter and scream: “Get rid of what’s out there! Can’t you see it’s killing me inside?”

But lately, I’ve discovered something new. I been learning to draw near to God with an open heart. I come with a deeper concern than what’s going on outside. I come expecting Him to do something inside. I do this because that’s where the pain is; that’s where I really need Him to do something with me; that’s where His presence will make the grandest difference I know.

With grand expectations of a heart visit, I ask, “Would You please come inside? I’m hurting so much and I need You to handle me, Lord. Don’t skip over me to handle my problems, please, Lord; instead, skip over my problems to handle me. I am the one who needs you–I am the one that was made for You. I am the one who will rejoice to experience more of You. I am the one to whom You must draw near. I am the one You must pull close and reassure. I am the one You must quiet with Your love. I am the one who discovers who You really are and loves You more because of it. I am the one who thanks you because all of this is true and most of all You are true!”

Brilliance is no component of the weak-hearted sinner

Brilliance is no component of the sinner; genius cannot be liberated except the heart be unleashed before it.

But, how can the heart be unleashed? Is it by freeing yourself from all your physical bindings and personal accountability? Is it something we can achieve by ourselves? Is it the work of self-exploration or religious commitment?

For most of us the first way (self-exploration) sounds far more fun and exciting than the latter (religious commitment). But, I don’t know why we would think that — unless we have an extremely stilted view of what religion (or living out one’s spiritual persuasion) includes.

Everything that we do is an element of religion — it is either man-made or God-made. The first is something to do that also makes us feel good about ourselves in a surfacey way, and the second is that process of releasing our souls from what prevents us from experiencing and sharing brilliance, even having genius.

We can do any part of nothing that we want to without God, but no part of everything.