God, I want more — will I ever stop feeling like I am in want? Where should I go with all this longing? You know where I would go, but what is the good place You have set aside for me to be filled? I don’t like to count on You like this, but I’ve grown so tired of feeling unfulfilled in all that I do and seek. Where are You in all the frustration I’m feeling?
Lord, I need Your help to desire good things; to dwell in the land that You’ve placed me and feast on Your faithfulness. I can only feel empty when I stubbornly resist the joys You have set before me in this season because I set on moving ahead so I can see what’s next.
I think I don’t need to eat from Your table today if I’m more curious about what You may be serving tomorrow. But I wasn’t meant to fast until I can expect to enjoy what I really want. I was meant to sit at the feet of God with the unpretentious attitude of “feed me, Father; You know what I need.”
I wanted to find myself complete — all by myself; for, I thought a girl who lacks is a girl who loses. Loses her chance at admiration, friends, success and acclaim. I lived to prove I had no missing pieces, no empty places on the inside. I thought I was worth knowing, if I could prove it.
Needless to say, I have always felt compelled to perform and impress. I could not understand how it was possible for me to just be me and still expect to have friends.
Why would I worry about this? I don’t have all the answers to that, but I do know the these fears are real for every person at some level. And I think that we experience these insecurities in proportion to the extent that we pursue Christ and the person He has called us to be. If that be true, than what Christ is doing in us is important. It is a job we could not do for ourselves; a work that we cannot even glimpse the end of because all we have to go on is the past.
So we trust God with what He is doing, and who we become as His transformation continues.