I’m a tired mess today. I haven’t been able to sleep for many weeks and I’m feeling the lack of refreshment more and more with each passing day. I’m kinda wondering what’s going on. No, I don’t exactly have a reason to give you for why I’m not getting sufficient sleep, but I do know God is working through it.
Despite my temporary physical- and mental-compromise–which has been especially bad this past week–God’s overflowing kindness has not been compromised at all. He’s taken these otherwise difficult days and loaded them up with almost more mercy than I can stand. The blessings seem endless. Where I have nothing to give, He gives all there more. It’s almost like He’s been saying, “Elaine, you can’t do anything significant with these days because of your condition? Here, let Me step in and show you that I can make everything significant if you will let Me take over.”
And what blessings I’ve seen since! It moves me to tears to see His kindness continually unfolding in my weakest of moments. Somehow, some way, God always makes phenomenal grace come out of whatever seems to me a nonredeemable reality of difficulty. Based on my experiences with God so far, I believe that God doesn’t save His best for last so much as He prepares us to receive His most abundant fillings when we are most empty and ready to want more.
That has been a mammoth theme threaded through every moment of this heart-tenderizing time. God does not give us what we don’t need. And sometimes, if we don’t know we need something, He will allow the needs we wouldn’t otherwise see to become acutely disturbing.
How fun! you might be thinking. Thanks, God. But don’t go there just yet. Hang in there a little bit. If God is doing something in your life, no matter what it looks like or feels like right now–even if it’s presently taking something away from you–don’t put an end to what God’s doing before He does. Though it may look pretty black today, it is still possible for God to be good (even to you) when you can’t see the good that you want to see. Yeah, you may be restless now and grace at work in your life may be looking a little strange, but take the time to discover what’s deeper than Your symptoms–What is God working at? Surely He has a purpose for shifting things around on you so inconveniently. Have you asked Him what He’s doing, and not just ask for an answer, but for the glory to wait until He’s ready to answer?