I Am Still Here

Night has not come
in the wings
of this darkness.
Though the sky above yields
no
light
and surfaces about show
no
color,
somehow the bleakness speaks
and the silence teaches.
I have not come here alone.
I do not have to be afraid.
The end has not yet come.
Something is here.
My Father, my Keeper
speaks one thing:

Know, dearest one,
that I have not
called the day
done.
You can remain in it,
at peace.
I am yet weaving
life into this moment.
The day is not done.
Retreat and let your soul
be still.
I AM STILL…HERE.

Strength and I meet while others sleep

Here I am once again.
It is dark…
night has descended many hours ago.
I am upon my bed in restless hope of rest.
Half an hour ago my strength seemed to
escape through my pores and now
I am just here…
weak and with no one to go to
or spend this time with
but God.
He is my refuge and strength–
yes, I know what these words mean now–
they are, in fact, my life.
I’ve had four years to test them out and prove that
they are true because He had to be
all or I should be alone.

COMMe on you, this is about UNITY!

Community among believers must be one of the greatest aspects of our inheritance in Christ! Yet, it is not one of the things that I find it easy to embrace; instead, I resist its integration in my life with all my might.

Being closer with the Body of Christ and letting fellowship create an intersection between other parts of the Body and my part is something I really struggle with. I wish I could be really close with Christ and not have to also care about that intimacy translating over to other people who have Christ within them.

I would like to be alone, set apart from the world and people in such a way that I don’t have to do relationships. It bothers me so much that this isn’t God’s way.

After all, I always thought it was safer and more fruitful to have a life limited to just “me and Jesus”. I didn’t know (as a conviction in my heart) that I wasn’t getting the whole Jesus-package, and He wasn’t getting the whole me-package, if we weren’t being connected through His other followers.

I don’t like integrating with His other followers. For one thing, they’re not enough like Him to make me feel comfortable. For another thing, they will discover that I’m not enough like Him to make them always feel delighted to be in my presence! That, forgive me, is scary business!

So what motivation can I have to move forward with something that assaults my natural instincts for survival and success? Well, certainly none of it can come from me! God, do You think You could help here, I pray, I’ve got nothing. Worse still, I’m not even sure I want to have motivation for this. I would much rather pretend it’s no big deal. But because You are persistently making it a big deal, I really can’t ignore it. So, do what You want to do with me here. I know that I will praise You in the end when I discover in new and incredible ways that Your desires are best for me. You will make me see that You alone are what is True and Beautiful and Eternal.