“God, I don’t understand,” she murmurs as she stretches, wanting sleep more than she wants to get up and do what He’s calling her to do. “The world wants something of me and You want something else. I feel so caught in the middle–especially when Mama is one of the ones who comes under the heading of ‘the world.’
“I know she loves me, and You know it too, but somehow You have a way of getting in the way of that love accomplishing its ends. Like right now, for instance,” she adds as she rises to retrieve her laptop from its perch on her bureau where she left it a slim five minutes before.
“Here I am, getting my computer again, when I told her I would try to get some sleep. You just won’t leave me alone.”
“I know,” she concedes when she resumes her place on the bed with everything situated in a way that’s comfortable for her to write, “I’m grateful for the kindness You demonstrate to me in this invitation to get up and write the words You give me, but it sure doesn’t suit Mama’s schedule. She would have liked me to be in my own little dream world hours ago but, instead, I’m putting that on hold so I can inhabit Yours . It’s lovely, Lord, but she doesn’t feel quite the same way we do about it.
“It’s not that she’s against it all,” she feels the need to add. “It’s just that Mama doesn’t seem to quite ‘get’ where all my quirky occupations come from–particularly the ones I engage in at unconventional hours,” she offers with a laugh.
“I think she thinks a lot of what I do for You is not necessarily prompted by Your Spirit, but by my own lack of practical insight about how life really needs to be lived,” she says as she pictures what Mama would call “living with balance.”
“I try to explain it to her,” she heaves the words with a sigh, “but so far it looks like this is just something that’s going to remain special to only the two of us, Lord.”
God doesn’t wait a moment and He’s answering her with a fresh perspective of her plight:
Isn’t that okay, My love? Isn’t our love and the relationship we share allowed to be private–something that no one else is quite able to share…or figure out? Isn’t that the specialness of being so intimate with Me–you can be vulnerable in a way that you can’t with anyone else?
I know it doesn’t always make for things being so great with your Mama, but don’t you think I’m in control of that, too? I’m not going to let things fall apart on you. I just want you to see that your commitment to Me trumps your commitment to your Mama–even if her ideas for your welfare are good ones. You cannot cling to her–even to the idea of pleasing her–if you are to walk with Me wholeheartedly and unabashedly.
The path I have called you to is one that belongs to you and I…that is all. This is not cruel; it is just the essence of My design for humanity in general. You were supposed to know Me in community, but community was always meant to serve My purposes, not the other way around.
So, just keep on, My daughter–remembering that you were My daughter first. Your momma will give suggestions to you for how you should live, and I expect you to respect her suggestions, but I want you to keep your attention on obeying Me. See the difference? Free will regards the wills of others with patience and grace, but it yields itself to One only…and that, of course, is Me. Are we clear? ‘Cause I think it’s time for you to go to bed now…