I’ve felt so bored most of my life:
locked into rooms I did not wish to occupy,
yet kept there by Your hand.
Oh, how harsh I understood Your grace to be!
It seemed as though You had cornered me,
forcing me to recognize there was no way out;
everything seemed to point out the soul-paralyzing reality
that my hope would never outlast my need.
With terror to interpret my every thought of future things,
I made plans intent on salvaging the life
I believed I should not be losing.
One thing I wanted–
without consideration of what could be gained at Your hand–
The Normal Life.
I perceived victory as holding onto this right and resented
anything that looked like Your attempt to mangle my exercise of it.
Yet empathy arose from Your heart and yearned over me.
You would not let go of me
though I wanted everything
Somehow You understood
that I did not understand a thing.
So You took me by the hand,
like the child
You knew I was
and took the time I needed
to point out every example of Your protective care
that I missed when all I could hear
was, “God might not be good,
so you best not trust Him.”