Wellness and brokenness can be the same thing?

“What do You do, Lord,” he asks, “with lives that are broken and cracked? I must say, I don’t want one, but since I’ve got one, I just wanted to know.”

Oh, My son,

God replies,

you could not ask a better question. I have been longing to tell you. You see, there’s a miracle hidden in being broken. It is not a death in any ever-lasting sense. It is merely the death of all the present parts of you that cannot be a part of My plan because My plans are eternal and they must include you in only eternal senses. But that’s okay. When parts of you die, parts of Me–that can never die–come to take their place. And that tradeoff leaves you in a far better condition than you ever were before that. Rejoice, My son, you shall well–yes, just fine!

So what if I don’t have all the answers? Isn’t faith more than that?

“Okay, we have a problem here, Lord,” he insists. “You know it and I know it. And we have to do something about it. That’s just all there is to it.”

He takes a moment to discern what solution might fit the needs of the situation, trusting that God knows exactly what He’s talking about.

What God knows is that Jason is confident that things would be so much easier for him as he walks this path with his Father, if he could do more to relate what God’s doing with him to the curious folks around him.

They want to know already, so why shouldn’t He have something interesting and challenging to offer them? Isn’t that why God allowed their appetite for information to be stirred up anyway?

Normally he wouldn’t jump to the idea of trying to use language as a way to unite himself with others in large groups, but so far “living as an expression of his faith” hasn’t been working quite the miracles in his observers as he had hoped for. God seems reluctant to make things obvious to the bewildered multitude he runs across everyday, so he figures it would only make sense to do a little explaining.

His wife finds the hardest part of this the fact that no one seems to understand them, to even give them a chance because what they’re doing isn’t predictable.

But, he’s more worried about the fact that no one is being blessed by what God’s doing in their lives. He thought when God began turning your life upside-down it was supposed to serve as a community-building affair, but so far the only things he’s seen getting built have been walls designed to keep him and his wife out. He can’t stand that.

This is not how things were supposed to work out. Come on, God is supposed to take care of His children and make their way clear when He sees that they are doing everything just as He’s asked them to–that’s part of the deal.

But Jason’s words don’t seem to find God on the same page. Maybe not even in the same book.

So is that what you’re worried about, My son? Your reputation, your standing with the people, your opportunities to give clarity to the purpose and direction of your life? Forgive yourself the feelings you’ll have when I ask you this: Do you think any of this really matters?

Come on, do you think these are My greatest interests? Yes, I am a God who reveals Myself, but I don’t do it merely because human beings are a bit inquisitive, because they just want to “know what’s going on.”

No, I’m not arrested in My purposes by things like that. I look, instead, for a heart that is truly searching, that wants to find Me and to find out who I am by whatever means I afford.

But hearts like that are few and far between. But, that’s okay. I locate those hearts and I direct you to them–I don’t ask you to find them all by yourself and I certainly don’t instruct you to convert the hearts of the masses into hearts like these.

That is not your purpose. Your purpose is to love Me and serve Me with all your heart and let it serve whatever purposes I enable it to. That is that. Now, get back to work and quit worrying. I’m on the job with you, remember?

I never volunteered to be a center of conflict between You and the world, Lord!

“God, I don’t understand,” she murmurs as she stretches, wanting sleep more than she wants to get up and do what He’s calling her to do. “The world wants something of me and You want something else. I feel so caught in the middle–especially when Mama is one of the ones who comes under the heading of ‘the world.’

“I know she loves me, and You know it too, but somehow You have a way of getting in the way of that love accomplishing its ends. Like right now, for instance,” she adds as she rises to retrieve her laptop from its perch on her bureau where she left it a slim five minutes before.

“Here I am, getting my computer again, when I told her I would try to get some sleep. You just won’t leave me alone.”

“I know,” she concedes when she resumes her place on the bed with everything situated in a way that’s comfortable for her to write, “I’m grateful for the kindness You demonstrate to me in this invitation to get up and write the words You give me, but it sure doesn’t suit Mama’s schedule. She would have liked me to be in my own little dream world hours ago but, instead, I’m putting that on hold so I can inhabit Yours . It’s lovely, Lord, but she doesn’t feel quite the same way we do about it.

“It’s not that she’s against it all,” she feels the need to add. “It’s just that Mama doesn’t seem to quite ‘get’ where all my quirky occupations come from–particularly the ones I engage in at unconventional hours,” she offers with a laugh.

“I think she thinks a lot of what I do for You is not necessarily prompted by Your Spirit, but by my own lack of practical insight about how life really needs to be lived,” she says as she pictures what Mama would call “living with balance.”

“I try to explain it to her,” she heaves the words with a sigh, “but so far it looks like this is just something that’s going to remain special to only the two of us, Lord.”

God doesn’t wait a moment and He’s answering her with a fresh perspective of her plight:

Isn’t that okay, My love? Isn’t our love and the relationship we share allowed to be private–something that no one else is quite able to share…or figure out? Isn’t that the specialness of being so intimate with Me–you can be vulnerable in a way that you can’t with anyone else?

I know it doesn’t always make for things being so great with your Mama, but don’t you think I’m in control of that, too? I’m not going to let things fall apart on you. I just want you to see that your commitment to Me trumps your commitment to your Mama–even if her ideas for your welfare are good ones. You cannot cling to her–even to the idea of pleasing her–if you are to walk with Me wholeheartedly and unabashedly.

The path I have called you to is one that belongs to you and I…that is all. This is not cruel; it is just the essence of My design for humanity in general. You were supposed to know Me in community, but community was always meant to serve My purposes, not the other way around.

So, just keep on, My daughter–remembering that you were My daughter first. Your momma will give suggestions to you for how you should live, and I expect you to respect her suggestions, but I want you to keep your attention on obeying Me. See the difference? Free will regards the wills of others with patience and grace, but it yields itself to One only…and that, of course, is Me. Are we clear? ‘Cause I think it’s time for you to go to bed now…

If my life should be a song–could I really sing it along with You?

What would be the soundtrack
if I should
one day happen to hear
God singing
the life behind my years?
Would the rhythm be composed of lilting melodies,
blended to lift the soul,
or would dark journeys of sound constantly converge,
bringing distress to the
very deepest parts of me?
Would it kill me to encounter
the unvarnished tension in the story
He would tell
or would I revel in the underlying current of strength
He held out to me
in every detail?

Would I long to join Him in the song
that flowed from His mouth
or would I faint at the idea
of being so personal with Him?
Would I let Him sing the song alone because I
was too afraid to lift my voice and let what’s inside of me
be heard?
Would I think it important enough
to expose everything that’s in me
to perform
this Original alongside its kind Composer
or would I prefer to sit back and critique
its taste
and discredit its potential for great acclaim?

I pray that mine should be a heart
that swells at the opportunity
to join my Maker in a song that bears His name
and reveals His heart in every
harmonized moment
between He and I.
I hope that I should gape in wonder at the interest
He would take
in my every weak attempt to carry the tune;
yes, wonder that He should
infuse each wayward note
with His own rich scales of
pure and undying Love.

With One like this behind the music of my life,
how should I keep from
embracing forever
this final lyric of joy: