Will You help me here…maybe just to hear?

I am searching today for a light in this life. I am disappointed with the abundance of shadows that conglomerate before me. I wonder what You were thinking when You allowed me to walk through this forsaken land. I want to be free from it, but I sense Your intentions to free me through it.

Why, Lord? WHY?!! Why do You put such weights upon me? Do You really think I can handle this? I don’t understand Your plans when they conflict with what makes me strong and sure of good. I want to pull my life out of Your hands, to wrench my hopes from the limitations imposed by Your grasp…but somehow I can’t.

All I can do is sit here in a heap, wanting to scream. Wanting to abandon all that I’ve known of Your faithfulness. Wanting to stop trusting. Wanting to find a new God. Wanting to find pleasure and hope in any place I can. Any place that lacks these shadows and tears.

Dearest Reader, do you find yourself identifying with me in my struggle today? Do you have less than all the answers? Are you living with a minimum of what you want, unable to understand why God would let this be–and for so long?

I only know to offer you one counsel: Water the lap of your Father with your tears. Let not one remain within you that does not touch Him as well. This is what you need to do now–it may even be a part of why you are where you are. Your strength will come in trickles of mercy that intermingle His identification with your suffering. This can be good for you. This can be grace. Oh, please, friend, be willing to let Him make you see.

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