My heart is occupied with grief, tonight, Lord.
I’ve run out of me
and there doesn’t seem enough of You to fill the gaps.
My heart has well been instructed by Your love,
to want what You want
but, what You want in this instance seems much too far out of reach.
I can’t hold on–
my limits are too restricted.
I’m so tempted to tell You this is just too hard:
my body threatens to give out on me
and my heart teeter-totters between hope and despair.
I wish I were stronger;
that I wasn’t plagued this way–
that I could make You proud by how I handle hardship.
But, God, I can’t hold out
for a salvation that comes from anyone but You.
How evident You make it that I need a firmer ground
than I can find in myself;
a place to call my refuge
when nothing You’re doing seems safe.
So, Father, I beseech You:
Lift my soul up till I can see Your face
and know that You are all I need.
I’m so weak; I feel like I can’t continue on,
even while my heart is in Your hands.
But, still You enable my confidence to grow
in Your love’s enduring ability to maintain my joy.