Have you ever been overwhelmed at the kindness of the Lord towards you? Maybe you’ve had at least one moment in your life where you looked back over something wonderful in your experience and was absolutely struck by the knowledge that it was a gift–that what you enjoyed was not something that originated with you, not even springing from your imagination or prayers.
Again and again, today, my heart has been assuaged by this wonder and an accompaniment of weeping. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself–I am so aware of how God’s kindness has taken over my life. In a rare observation of grace, I see my whole life as the sum of One great God’s transcendent compassion.
I can’t handle the vision, but why should I think I might have such an ability? God is not a work for me to master, a subject to study or a person to explore and then be able to document. No, He laughs at the suggestion of such a comparison!
He is the stuff my life is made of, but my life is such an infinitesimally small part of what He really is. I serve a God Who cannot even be equated with the world and universe I struggle to envision the scope of. If I think on Him and try to understand who He is–how great He could be–the vast majority of His secrets remain withheld from me by the laws of mercy. I could not handle more than but small doses of revelation regarding His nature–and that’s what He gives me; no more and no less.
Yet, on certain occasions, He stretches my brain cells (and heart-cells) to their limits, just to remind me Who is the infinite One in the relationship; Who is the One who handles the pants-wearing business; Who I can trust and submit to with all my heart with perfect judgment.
Oh, who can comprehend our God, when even here on earth, God’s goodness and majesty makes our hearts shake and faint with the slightest of revelations! How it makes me anticipate heaven with renewed zeal. I knew I wanted to be at home there before–in my Lord’s exhausted presence–but the desire I had then seems as nothing compared to what I am knowing now.
But, perhaps–to my sorrow and His–you don’t have any way to identify with what I’m saying. Maybe brokenness hasn’t compromised your soul enough to make it ache for God and rejoice in every morning’s new glimpse of Him. Or maybe there is plenty of brokenness, there in your heart, but not enough healing to resurrect your joy. My friend, if either of these things is so, I pray for a heart-swelling to take place within you that has no words, no proper expression.
May you be filled with Spirit-endowed worship that adjusts your eyes in a way that only Christ can. May you know the blessedness that God promises to the poor in spirit: May you receive the kingdom and may it more than account for everything you’ve lost to receive it. There is power in this desperation-required exchange. I have experienced it again and again in my life–to new levels the longer I live–and I implore God to meet you in the middle of your apathy or anguish and grant you the same grace.