If I were to ask you what you did with your day, you might say that you did something useful, something fun, something that took time and left you with the rewarding feeling of a job well done. And, if you were to ask me what my day looked like, I would have to admit to you that I spent an all-too prominent portion of my time venting. (I trust that your day was cooler, and hopefully, lighter.)
Venting, in and of itself, may not be so bad, but in this case I was not focusing on the frustrations at hand. Rather, I took it upon myself to recycle much older frustrations, having the curious conviction that since they were a bit removed from me, I could be more subjective and feel like I was handling at least one heart-challenge well.
Well, I got carried away. I scavenged and found an abundance of interesting artifacts that were always worth reexamining. Needless to say, I chose to peruse the wrong chunks of my history. I kept convincing myself that I was going to learn something new, that rehashing old thoughts and invigorating dormant emotions would prove to be a relevant use of my time. One goal that figured well into my occupation was that searching the dark (and still confusing) parts of my past would shed more light on my present and somehow instantly make everything make more sense.
I was trusting that if I could conduct a prolonged analysis of the troubling portions of my life that I might induce the understanding that God appeared to be making me wait to long to receive. Where God was failing me, I would my own solution. I don’t need to tell you that I failed miserably. I found no joy in the endeavor–yet, I was not entirely surprised; I had made no provision for God to meet me in it.
My attempts to be a critic of my circumstances did not help me to feel less of a victim; instead, I claimed the status of helplessness because I shut out the very One who could help me raise my heart above the mess. Coming up with answers wasn’t what I really wanted; I needed to know that I was still safe without them. I didn’t need to escape the haunt of mystery that pervades God’s plan, I needed Him to teach me to settle my heart in the greatest mystery: His love.
If I knew in that moment that His love superseded every other aspect of God that I didn’t understand, I could have been content. Yet, though I missed the Truth in that occasion, my hope is that the Truth did not fade with my ignorance. It still came and claimed me when I fell into my graceless pit of bitter emotions. Truth remained a restorer even while my perception of its usefulness was weak.
Is that something that you need to know today too? Have you been rooting your soul in the facts of your existence that sit on the fringes of recognizing God? Have you been failing to realize that He is real and ready to save you because you’ve been too busy observing the shadows? If so, hear the call God places on your soul:
“Come, My child, turn back to the Substance of your existence. Don’t get caught up in anything in your life that doesn’t lead you right back to Me. If you need to contemplate difficult aspects of your life, let Me be the One leading you into such evaluations–otherwise you will be trapped by half-truths that emerge from broken pieces of reality.
Be assured that you won’t be able to make sense of anything by looking at the mess around you. Instead, I invite you to look to the Designer who comes to redeem what’s been done to His creation. You will not stumble if you concentrate your entire person on Me. I am your Leader. Let Me take over the directing of your heart-travels–then it shall always be well with you and the roads you traverse shall lead you to the good places that I have for you. Be settled, dear one, I am making provision for you.