This week has felt crazy and good and confusing and slow and tiring and tantalizing in the most distracting way. What are you doing here, God? has been a constant, though unspoken, refrain for me. What am I doing and why am I not moving ahead at a steady clip right now? I thought when you said go, and flashed that beautiful green light, You meant that I and the traffic were supposed to pick up speed as we left behind the tiny, monotonous shops along this little strip I’ve been on for too long.
But, instead, it appears that go means crawl. The message to my heart is don’t hold back, but don’t spring forward either. Keep a steady pace and keep your eyes open for Me, God says. I am working all around you, but I don’t want you to be moving too quickly to be able to judge what I’m doing all around you.
Go and slow may rhyme, but in my mind they weren’t meant to match up at all. I think, if you’re going to be slow, you might as well stop and take a rest until you’re full of enough energy to be able to make real attempt. Come on, I say, this is life; we have to keep up and get ahead!
But, ahead of what? Ahead of God? Ahead of the doubts that tell me God can’t really work this out? Ahead of the other drivers around me that seem to know so much better than I where they need to be going? Ahead of all God’s plans for developing in me patience and a steady passion for Him? Ahead of everything that life is really about?
When I think of it that way, I guess I don’t really want to be charging ahead. Maybe I just want to be right where I’m supposed to be; right where God has specifically positioned me to see and be sanctified by Him. Perhaps, I can accept what He told me today knowing that it is the truth I need:
You are right where I want you. If I wanted you somewhere else, I would have put you there.