Haven’t I Recommended Myself Well Enough?

Welcome to another day of rating my life and the joy I find in living it. When I find myself doing this, I discover a link between feelings of futility and the feeble measures I use. I want to live an impressive life because I think that is required when you have openly stated that you are following after God’s calling on your life. If all that’s going on doesn’t make me look really cool, then what is really getting accomplished here?

I think that my most common mistake is that I think I am too critical a part in what God’s doing through me. I believe that I must be my most attractive if others are to be attracted to God. I expect that my story most be the most compelling thing an audience has ever heard if they are to be profoundly affected. I count on my words being powerful by virtue of their perfection rather than by virtue of the anointing God has given me to speak.
The purpose of what God has called me to do is so often drowned out by my concern over the power needed to accomplish it. Why do I think it needs to come from me? Why do I think God chose me for me and my natural recommendations rather than for Him and His natural recommendations?

I guess I am getting to see just a hint of the truth here. God is making sure I don’t completely miss the boat He’s on because I’m looking for a much smaller craft that has my name on it and has the perfect vacancy awaiting me at the helm. This isn’t what I need. If I were given my boarding wish, I would never make it in the rough seas ahead of me, nor would I have any really fulfillment or direction when in the midst of calm seas.

I need a Captain. I need to know that I belong on the boat, but its operations don’t depend on me. I need to know that it is a privilege that I get to have a berth, to have some chores, to be waylaid with duties and responsibilities–all these things remind me that I am remembered and included by the only One who runs an everlasting hull.

 

Seriously, what’s going on here, God?!

This week has felt crazy and good and confusing and slow and tiring and tantalizing in the most distracting way. What are you doing here, God? has been a constant, though unspoken, refrain for me. What am I doing and why am I not moving ahead at a steady clip right now? I thought when you said go, and flashed that beautiful green light, You meant that I and the traffic were supposed to pick up speed as we left behind the tiny, monotonous shops along this little strip I’ve been on for too long.

But, instead, it appears that go means crawl. The message to my heart is don’t hold back, but don’t spring forward either. Keep a steady pace and keep your eyes open for Me, God says. I am working all around you, but I don’t want you to be moving too quickly to be able to judge what I’m doing all around you.

Go and slow may rhyme, but in my mind they weren’t meant to match up at all. I think, if you’re going to be slow, you might as well stop and take a rest until you’re full of enough energy to be able to make real attempt. Come on, I say, this is life; we have to keep up and get ahead!

But, ahead of what? Ahead of God? Ahead of the doubts that tell me God can’t really work this out? Ahead of the other drivers around me that seem to know so much better than I where they need to be going? Ahead of all God’s plans for developing in me patience and a steady passion for Him? Ahead of everything that life is really about?

When I think of it that way, I guess I don’t really want to be charging ahead. Maybe I just want to be right where I’m supposed to be; right where God has specifically positioned me to see and be sanctified by Him. Perhaps, I can accept what He told me today knowing that it is the truth I need:

You are right where I want you. If I wanted you somewhere else, I would have put you there.