You should envy me the deadly life I live

I’m not much for dying myself, but at times it is necessary. I die because I want life. Alright, let me unpack that for you — I have not lost all my senses; rather I am gaining new appreciation for what can be experienced by them.

I want to be a living sacrifice — a person who is essentially holy and acceptable to God. To be a living sacrifice, I must permit God to acquaint me with death to myself for the purpose of Him unfolding life to God.

I willingly jump into the fires of trials without any life-preserving exterior except Jesus Christ. With Jesus I feel the flame, yet it cannot destroy me; I grow weary from the heat, but I am not consumed; I train my eyes on the light of the flame and do not abide distress over the blackness left behind by it.

I am not living so that I can avoid trials that are necessary for my faith; I am dying so that these trials cannot be deterred in the purpose God has committed to them. I am a person who has escaped from death to life — life that is eternal and incapable of being diminished — so I can embrace whatever trials or discipline mark the stages of this new life. Any part of death that I now face is a pitifully impotent force.

It has lost all power before Christ, and that is why I can go through it with Him. What can separate me from all I need in God? Nothing — but now what was once so fearsome has become the means of displaying God’s conquest in human terms. God knows not death, and because Christ has known it, we shall never more be subject to it but through Him.

We shall enjoy the fullness of God’s life even while our own human and mortally-bounded lives are being tempered by trials. Should we expect to take no thought of dispensing our own lives when we know we shall not have them forever? Can we put it off when we know that according to our need, striving to enjoy more of us impedes receiving more of God?

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