So, I prayed. I told God what I wanted and how I would like to have it. Then I told Him I don’t really know what is best for me and I would like to have His best if He would give it to me. That was some time ago, but it’s still true. I am reminded quite often of new ways that I need to make this my prayer when I get impatient about it being fulfilled.
I didn’t used to think that waiting was much fun. In fact, I have often thought it would kill me — at least if it took too long to my thinking. But waiting has changed me. Knowing that God has good for me even when nothing appears to be changing on the surface has opened wide my soul rather than closed it. I need to be open to God who fills me with His goodness as apposed to being closed up and left to myself.
Waiting has made me anxious to know what God wants. I strain for my will until I nearly break — only then do I realize that I don’t want to be broken by what God doesn’t want for me. If I’ve asked for something good, and He tells me to wait, it not a problem unless I make it that. He is offering to build my character and enhance my ability to love and trust Him in all manner of conditions.
I’m not always willing to have this happen, so granted this work includes struggle and strain. But, I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was a blessing — one of the greatest that God has ever given me. I am forced to wait on Him, not because I am being held back from living, but because their is so much living to do from right where I am. I need to get to know my Father better, I need to cultivate a richer relationship with Him, I need to grasp with all my heart the reality that I am in my Savior’s hands and nothing can separate me from His love.
Now, of course, this is not something that can be accomplished in a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months, but whatever years I have, they will be devoted to this. I will wait on my Lord all the days of my life, for it is in Him that my delight and comfort will forever dwell. And while I wait I am not languishing over things that I don’t have, I am being challenged to drink deeply of the living water that I do have.
Waiting is not the same as wanting — there is a world of difference between them that cannot be fully represented by the substitution of a single letter. Waiting reduces my indifference and resistance to God’s ways. It opens me up to bigger plans than I have dared to live for — plans I wouldn’t consider if it weren’t for my God’s persistence. He does not do more to me than I can bear, He does not hold me back from more than I need; instead He sometimes chooses to straiten my circumstances so He can widen the circumference of my joy in walking with Him.