I’ve tried to be the one with the truth; someone ever servicable in setting people right. I have known of nothing more important than being above reproach. And while I am working so hard to be right, why shouldn’t I be an impetus of the same to others — especially if their priorities seem to be askew?
I have thought that the world needs to hear what I have to say. I have spent far too much time glorying in what I know and have come to understand by experience; I have fantasized about the difference I could make in the lives of needy people by what I should do to acquaint them with the truth.
But I have lacked the self-converting intention to declare not my victories in faith or increases in knowledge, but the only truth that either of us needs: Christ Jesus, the Truth with a capital t.
My only hope of embracing or effusing the Truth is when I first see how wrong, how necessary the conviction of sin and the message of God coming to me in grace is to my right-standing before God. Praise God that He never lets me get too far away from what I need to see of Him in my own brokeness.
I can’t get away from the fact that in everything I do whether it is good or bad — obedience or a mistake — God is pointing me back to what I can learn from it. Whatever status of godliness I seem to achieve I am humbled to realize that what I have is such a small realization of the real thing. In the eyes of God — if I could not boast in the fullness of Christ and His righteousness in and over me — these things I rejoice in would be nearly imperceptible.
I cannot look at how I was before or at the unattractive visibility of an other’s wickedness to increase the exaltation I would have in sin’s decrease in me. The goal of growing as we live out our Christian (life-in-Christ) lives is not that we should feel better about ourselves, or even more concerned about ourselves because of our sins, but that we would be freed from all these empty, self-dominated focuses for the sake of knowing God and glorying in Him alone.