My whole personality has been dictated by a fear of being judged and rejected/denied love and acceptance. My patterns in living have been for the self-seeking purpose of staying alive and keeping within the edges of boundaries that made it okay to be apart and unassociated with anyone who may appear dangerous to me.
Needless to say, this approach has not previously led me into contexts or subjects of conversation that enabled me to share my faith with anyone — unless I could be sure that I would not only be well-received but eagerly welcomed.
Yet all this time God has had in mind for me speaking to far more people about Him than this severely restricted group. I knew this in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t conceive of it being reality for me — at least any time soon.
Still, the sweetest reality of my existence is that God doesn’t live according to my poor vision and timetable. He has big purposes and the best possible means for bringing them about in my life.
Just recently I have been seeing how this is true in ways that are new to me. Everyday avenues of communication and socialization have taken on a greater purpose for me. God has put them before me, inviting me to let Him make of them nothing less than portals for presenting the gospel to the people around me. As wonderful as this experience is, this blessing didn’t come overnight; instead, it has come upon me slowly, as I have personally learned to let God come and inhabit every part of me — becoming everything I know and enjoy of existence.
I have learned who He is and how that identity plays into my life — how the character of God can become the very anchor of my soul and delight of my days. Because God has become accessible and extremely valuable to me through the continued work of certain trials, the burden for Him to be known by others has grown in heart.
To be honest, the catalyst to this “backdoorsman” evangelist becoming a guide to the great outdoors was nothing less than the love of God. This which comes from Him and runs back to Him. Love that makes us a drive-through along the way. A stream that must continually pour through us. The rushing, slowly corroding, and yet life-infusing waters which our heart terrain must embank. It is this everlasting flow running deep and wide within us that will not be able to be stilled or kept from overflowing to those who are still thirsty on the river’s edge.