Is anyone here feeling angry today? It is such a nice day, seemingly so perfect on the outside, and yet there is a war going on internally. I am there today. I am particularly angry because God has told me to sit still and be quiet when I would rather vent my emotions and give no consideration to whom I may hurt along the way. As far as I am concerned this is not about anyone but me. I am hurt and I deserve the satisfaction of retaliation.
But, God asks me to wait; to let Him have the place of revenge; to trust that even in pain and disadvantage, He knows better than I how to handle me and my problems. That can be very hard. In my view, for Him to allow this struggle in the first place is to mangle the trust I have put in Him.
But, the truth is, God is not manipulating my dependence upon Him. He is, perhaps, straining that dependence, but He is not going to break it. I can trust Him in anything and everything because when it hurts, I know why. No, I don’t know how hard it will get, or how long He will continue to chasten me, but I don’t have to wonder why He does it or what will be the result.
When I am tested, I am being allowed to thirst for and seek out God more than I would unless He moved in my life this way. I will not grow if God leaves me to walk with Him based on my own interest and understanding of my need for Him. On my own I just don’t get that He is that important. I need harsh circumstances to present the truth to me in such a way that I can begin to walk in it.
Trials and unexpected troubles work upon us much like the signs that direct us on a major highway, making us ready to take a particular exit. They give us no option for getting where we need to be other than to follow the directions on them. They are firm, unyielding, and inattentive to our excuses.
When it is our habit to travel on the far left lane, we are separated from the side ramp by several busy lanes. Thus, when we continue in this vein of personal transportation, we make it impossible for ourselves to effectively follow the traffic pattern that will get us to our desired destination. To be unwilling to make any alteration in our present traveling pattern in favor of enjoying a fast and smooth ride, is to sacrifice ending up where we would like to be later.
It is the same way in life: we can’t just move freely along on our preferred path and expect to be in the appropriate attitude and position to turn in whatever direction God calls us to down the road. We must remember that God is not about giving us gigantic signs and routes that coincide perfectly with our regular speedway. The whole point of the trip is to drive with God from beginning to end, always getting closer to Him, and more certain of His instructions.
If the whole adventure isn’t about Him, neither will any of our decisions be. We will not get over when we need to and we will miss the lanes of blessing and burdening that we need to be on to grow more aware of He who is our only reliable destination.