The Mistake I Pretended to Make

I’ve always liked to pretend. As a little girl I always had my doll with me and all the makings for a fantastic afternoon of playing “house”. But, this isn’t a form of recreation that I have entirely left in childhood. I still appreciate the benefits of consciously removing myself from the present realities of the world around me to make up my own.

I want more out of my life, so I fill in the gaps that I believe don’t truly belong. I trust myself to make a better story of my life than God. I don’t want to leave all the broken pieces in His hand, I would rather just pretend they don’t exist or fill them in myself. Pretending is easier than waiting.

Waiting to see what God will do. Waiting for changes I want to see, only to find progress in other areas — areas I hadn’t really identified as number-one. Waiting to see what God wants, trusting that all the conflicts that arise in my heart from this will be His way of leading me to unconditional surrender of my will.

Choosing to accept what I truly am according to the measure of my sin, so I can treasure grace every day — not just when it seems to belong in my life because everything is right. Choosing to pursue what is genuine, what makes more room for God, what makes me rely on His mercies for all I know of abundant life.

To reject every temptation to put on a face that will leave unpleasant elements of my life covered-up and out-of-the-way. To forsake every false ambition that my pride declares is the only way to enjoy life. To let God teach me to embrace Him out of the most utter brokenness and empty humility that I can handle in today’s every-day moments.

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