The Cost of Being Used

All my life I have wanted to be used. I wanted to be a vessel that pointed others to Christ, and caused hearts to rejoice in all that He could be to a person, starting with me. But, I didn’t know that it would come with this price-tag.

To tell you the truth, shopping for and purchasing this is choosing to pass by all the bargain-buys, in search of the most priceless object. I want that priceless object, but I don’t like living in poverty and patience that I may continue to hope I will fully obtain it. I was hoping to gain this, and some other nice things on the side. But, right now, in so many ways, this is all I have.

Yes, it is all I need, but I have not reached that high and lofty place (which I’m not sure exists) where I don’t want anything else. In fact, the more I pursue this one thing I find in Christ, the more persistently He makes me aware of just how many other things I am trying to find satisfaction in simultaneously.

I want it all, but I don’t want it all to be found in One place. I want my treasures to be spread out before me, that no matter where I go, I may have riches in full along the way.

But, that is not so for me. I only have one option if I want lasting rewards. The richest gain I know comes with an across the board loss. I am stripped of all other things, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him. No other things are needed for me to find contentment or comfort or care. I need Him. Period.

Now, if I can just learn to live this and love it. If only the treasure would wax so gloriously in my estimation that I could agree with God that the cost of laying aside my dependence on all other things is more than a worthy payment to commit to the advantage of being filled with Him!

You Call This Beautiful?

I have become convinced that my life will never be pretty — at least not according to the guidelines that I believe make something beautiful. Too many things have been broken — including my pride — and through it all God is making me understand that so much of what I would like to hold onto really doesn’t matter.

I don’t have to be the most popular person among the people I know, I don’t have to have the most enviable life, family, friends, or social engagements. I can just be grateful for and enjoy what specific blessings God has given me, and not charge Him with wrong, for the ones that seem to yet elude me.

I wasn’t born with a picture-perfect package, but I am not a picture-perfect person. I need the life- and family-package that God has given me to mold me into a person who does not cling to outward displays of perfection, but one who is able to accept trials from the Lord and still bless His name.

I need to have tribulations that make me long for heaven so much it hurts and tests that make me question why and for whom I live. I need to have pressures that teach me what to let go of and Who I must hold onto.

In life there really is no either/or propositions when it comes to experiencing true, abounding life. I must abide in Christ. I must choose to cling to Him no matter what He allows to come my way. Why? Because I have no other choice — to live I must choose Life.