In Spite of This

I’m learning to like God and what He does, even when it violently conflicts with what I generally approve of; to take what appears a loss, and look for the gain God has carefully lodged inside; to listen when I would rather instruct, and hope when I would rather hate.

I see with so many gaps and holes when I look at God. I think He should be like me, then get frustrated when what He does makes the demand that I change to be more like Him.

I feel like I’m rambling here, but I can’t quite work out what to say. Oh, God, give me words, and a clear mind. Make me willing and able to present what You are teaching me without shame or fear of what others might think of me, for with You as my rock, “what can man do to me.”

This past weekend God was showing me that because of Christ, God can redeem the works of men in such a way as to be able to touch each of our hearts profoundly through the words and insights of others. Even when we feel as if we are hearing nothing new, and our friend may not know exactly where we’re coming from when they challenge and exhort us, God is using it to further incline our hearts to His.

It is so mind-boggling that in spite of who we are, and how little we have to offer, or know how to receive the gifts offered to us by others, God will not let us leave empty when we connect with various members of His body.

I went to church yesterday feeling very needy, and disliking how dependent I was on God just to make it through. I had to trust Him that He would provide the physical strength to endure (how it feels when I’m so tired and weak, and I’m not sure how long my present energy will hold out), enabling me to enjoy myself even with a physical handicap of some degree.

I wanted to go under my own power, and trust that I would have something to offer whoever I met when I got there. But, again, God had me relying on Him so I could forget about what a “blessing” I might be on my own.

This is the second Sunday in a row — the first that I have been to in months — that God has been revealing to me that He works in my life in spite of me, not because of me.

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