A hard lesson that I’ve been having to learn these past few weeks is how weak I am in my understanding of God. I think I am supposed to be able to see everything that He is doing clearly and have faith that will enable me to scale walls of doubt easily. I’ve fallen into the trap of insisting that I should be able to make this whole journey with God look smooth, even and effortless. It scares me when I can’t offer a joy-filled report of how I’m dealing with what God is doing in my life presently.
I worry that I am failing God in my analysis, but who said that I need to analyze and be able to explain God? In the Bible it is very clear that not even the righteous could explain God. It was simply their job to come under God’s umbrella and trust Him. Let Him keep the rain off of me and shelter me from what I cannot bear. I don’t need to put up a fight for Him. He is for me — let that be all that I need to know.
And, if that doesn’t satisfy others (who want more examples of logic and reasoning to assure them that I am not standing too much on faith), then may I leave that external requirement up to God. With Him there are no errors, just a discrepancy in our own understanding of His perfection. Yes, I can be okay with that.