The new year looks to steal quietly across the landscape of my life. There is no big splash this time, just the whispered closing of this latest annal of my experience. Peace is present with us as I behold God putting it upon the shelf that houses every minor and major detail of my life thus far. And anticipation builds as God turns then and invites me to come sit upon His lap. He reaches for a new book, its unfamiliar cover a dusky color I cannot quite describe. When He opens it, my breath catches at the glimpse of a virginal sheaf, creamy and unmarred by words, by the touch of His Spirit’s call of destiny.
I do not know what to think. I turn from what will become the next record of my life to the One who will make that record be what it will be. I don’t know what to expect from Him–I cannot read His face. What does He have in mind?
“Lord,” I venture, “what are You thinking?” A part of my heart quakes with uncertainty: Am I ready to hear what He has to say?
And then He speaks.
Darling, it is good for you to be after My heart like this. I know this past year was tough and by all reasonable accounts you should be less than eager to abandon all to Me for another year. If anyone should choose to rate My track record, they should be no less than confused, if not angry with Me for how I have handled you.
I have not held you back from pain, I have not spared your spirit despair. Most of the questions you’ve asked, I have not answered. The plan I’m working I have not fully revealed. But, My child, through it all you’ve seen this single object of My heart: I want your heart.
You have not been afraid to give it. You have not let anything hold you back from Me. And what within you separated you from Me, you trusted Me to alter for the sake of My glory and your unending pleasure in My love.
So here we sit at the end of this year, and your eyes are not on what has past or even straining to see what lies ahead. Rather, you lift them up to Me, wanting to know just what I might have planned for this moment, just what I want to show you of Myself. This is what life is about. Life is what Iam.